Friday, November 16, 2012

A little wilted...

I know this is not a great image for my blog - but I thought I would stretch the flower analogy just a bit.

I have been feeling a little down this week, don't know if it's the fall and SAD season - often to me Autumn feels more like the New Year than January, a time of new beginnings or reflecting on the past. For me this week it was feeling that life has been passing me by - I will hear an old song from the 70's (when I was a teenager) and think back on all my hopes and dreams of that time period. I was into Drama and choir and believed at that time it was possible to have an amazing career as an actress and singer. I spent a lot of time pretending to clutch a mike and sing along to "America's Top 40", dreaming I would be there.

Alas, as John Lennon said "Life it what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" and I believed that dream was impossible, I gave up to early. I had fantasies of going to New York - not thinking about green cards etc and being a famous pop star. I even auditioned for the theatre program at U of A - not realizing what a daunting prospect that was - doing a monologue and movement and dance (which I had not studied) - I was also preoccupied with my love life at that time and therefore not ready to put in the work necessary - needless to say, I didn't get  in.

Is it time to reawaken those dreams I wonder? I look around and see people recording CDs and writing books - something else I thought I might do at one point - taking creative writing classes. I have abandoned my voice lessons as well....
Getting older you realize that you have fewer years ahead of you than behind you. However as F reminded me last night about Confucius..."The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is today". I'm hoping I'm a late bloomer.

I also haven't had a full time job in a while - mostly contract work and wonder when and if I could back into that scene - a steady income and hours...but then I worry about my skill set with things like spreadsheets etc. etc.

All these thoughts haunt me - and I realize I shouldn't be comparing myself to everyone else as we are on our own journey. The 21 Meditation with Deepak Chopra has been helpful in getting more in touch with my inner world and going with the flow...I seem to be getting that message a lot lately. I'm also planning on reading Martha Beck's latest - after reading about her "safari" with some clients in Africa. The 4 Ps - peace, purpose and now I forget the other matter I will read the book.

I'll keep you posted on my journey - I feel I have a lot to offer the world - my enthuisasm and talents and would like to bring people joy.

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